


And god, does heaven know we tried

by PxstelleLxmons



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Do I regret this?, F/F, I'm Sorry, No regrets though, On Hiatus, Post-Break Up, Thats for me to know and you to find out - Freeform, also I just wanted to try writing a song fic, but is it me projecting?, i still love them but love hurts, no, rain is a very big theme in chapter one, watch as i try to pace this thing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26177425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PxstelleLxmons/pseuds/PxstelleLxmons
Summary: Adora and Catra's thoughts and memories of each other post break up.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Past Adora/Catra
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	And god, does heaven know we tried

**Author's Note:**

> hey, I don’t really have an explanation as to why I wrote this, I was just listening to ‘Happy Now’ by Zedd and Elley Duhé and my mind went “what if...?”
> 
> Edit: Here have a playlist-> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/40elE3k7mgCLZE6uw5A33U?si=ByvZWe5ZQjqlC3V4C1Fb2A

_ You're the only one who can up and run _

_ Leave me just as empty as the day you came _

_ And you hold all the cards, all the broken heart _

_ Strung over your shoulder till it's all in vain- _

* * *

It was raining.

Well it wasn’t raining right now, right now the sun was setting over the walls of city lights and skyscrapers, but something about the overhead of clouds that were slightly visible in the slowly darkening night sky made a certain feeling blow it’s way over Catra’s skin.

The feeling wasn’t warm—wasn’t cozy either, but it was welcomed. The feeling seemed to breeze by, not unlike the gust of wind that blew over Catra, causing her to pull her over sized blanket even closer to her shivering body.

Two more gusts of wind and three sips of coffee that Catra would never admit to over sugaring later, and she found herself unable to head back inside and out of the cold, her feet felt glued to the concrete of the small balcony she shared with her roommates. She could almost catch the faint scent of incoming rain in the air.

  
  


Rainy days were her favorite kind of days. It’s not something she’s ever admitted to out loud to anyone (except one person), other than it being dropped as an off-handed comment during conversations. It’s not something she’s ashamed necessarily; more of she wasn’t ready for people to ask ‘if she was emo, or trying to edgy’. Honestly after the third time it gets annoying,  _ like really annoying. _

Catra took another long drink of her coffee, making a face at how sweet it was but putting up with it anyways. She made another grimace as she willingly continued to torture herself instead of just leaving the coffee behind, a solution to a problem she couldn’t bring herself to solve. Do people even drink coffee at this time of night? Most likely not, but maybe she felt like messing up her sleep schedule—just because she could.

_ Okay, _ maybe at first it was an attempt to show off how edgy she could be during 6th or 7th grade-( _ but that’s irrelevant) _ -point is, the idea of dirty water falling from the sky kinda start to grew on her. At first her thoughts were,  _ “How can anyone enjoy literal water falling down from the sky, plus the idea of getting soaking wet, on top of possibly getting sick from being outside? Disgusting.” _

  
  


For about the first 12 years of her life, she hated rainy days. Hated the fact that she seemed to have to an extra amount of work from Weaver, (Catra kicked a small rock off the edge of the balcony, watching it fall into the road only to get run over by a car and imagining Weaver in it’s place), hated how her hair would basically glue to to her head and stay like that for the next 30 minutes the second she stepped outside into the rain. She especially hated how everywhere in Frighton, her stupid childhood town, seemed to close down because nobody could afford the repairs for possible rain damage to their already crappy roofs. 

No one could change her mind about it, not even Lonnie who got into a screaming match with Catra about it. Unsurprisingly Adora had to physically break them apart before Catra clawed Lonnie’s eyes out. ‘ _ No matter how much you scream or argue with me, I will never like the rain’,  _ she had declared. The irony, though, of what actually made change her mind almost made Catra laugh out loud to herself.

It had only taken a few minutes of peace with a certain blonde to change her mind and sort of, embrace the rain _. _

  
  


#####  **-** ** _October 18, 2014_** **-**

_ ”Come on Catra, the rain isn’t  _ _ that _ _ bad,” Adora grabbed Catra’s embarrassingly small wrist and pulled her towards one of the big windows of her new home, finally getting adopted by some sparkly, rich family. _

_ Catra attempted to pull her wrist away, but it’s too late; Adora already had their bodies pressed up against the cold glass of the window, velvet curtains (oh-so-conveniently) pulled away, so she opted to stand a little straighter and cross her arms, turning her head away so that Adora can’t see her pout. _

_ ”What do you like about the rain anyways? It’s just glorified dirty water.” _

_ Adora gave Catra a small smile that made her insides do several back flips. "It's not about just the rain though, look," she gestured to the blanket of gray clouds over the sky. "Sometimes just looking at the clouds relaxes me. It might seem gloomy to you, but have you ever seen so many beautiful shades of gray in one spot?" _

_ 'No', Catra thought. 'Who would spend so much of their time just looking at the same color when they could be doing literally anything else?' _

_ She didn't voice these thoughts out loud those, in fear of offending Adora. Mentally she cursed herself for caring so much about another's feelings. _

_ Adora sat herself on the windowsill, pushing her legs out until they met the halfway point; forming a v-shape if you looked at them from the side. She wrapped her arms around her legs loosely and let her cheek rest against the glass of the window. The light that slipped in from the cracks of the clouds illuminated Adora's face perfectly, giving her a more, well, celestial look. _

_ After a few moments Catra found herself feeling a little awkward just standing there and (not) staring like a creep. As usual she pushed down the tingly feeling in her chest and joined Adora, sitting on the other side of the windowsill with her legs pulled tight to her chest and her arms even tighter. After losing an internal argument with herself she slowly rested her own cheek against the window, unable to help the shiver that ran through her body at the feeling of the icy glass being pressed up against her skin. _

_ Hesitantly Catra looked over to see Adora gazing out the window with the most peaceful looking expression Catra's ever seen on her. It was a good look, Catra noted. Suddenly she found herself wishing to see Adora like this a lot more often and the tingly feelings were starting to bubble up in her chest again.  _

_ Attempting to distract herself from certain incoming thoughts, Catra pushed her cheek against the window a little more, forcing herself to listen to the rhythmic sounds of the rain hitting the window softly. It was like the rain was playing random notes for Catra to piece together and form a song only she could hear. A soft sigh escaped her lips. _

_ "Enjoying yourself?" Ugh, she could almost hear Adora's smug smile. _

_ Catra tried to keep her tone flat. "Nope, I'm just putting up with it because I'm bored." She felt her heart break a little when she saw Adora's attempt to keep the crestfallen look on her face. _

_ "Fine," Catra finally gave in. "The noise is just barely tolerable- _ _ just barely _ _. Everything else about the rain still sucks." _

_ Adora hummed. "Whatever you say Catra, you'll learn to love the rainy days soon enough." _

_ Catra only closed her eyes, too tired to give a snarky response back, and allowed the rain's song to lull her herself to sleep. _

* * *

It was starting to drizzle, the smell of whatever Scorpia was cooking up for dinner seeped in through the cracks in the door frame and into Catra's nose. Her stomach growled softly. But she wasn't craving food right now, as she pulled opened the door back into her room and quickly threw the the clothes in her closet in search for a specific jacket-

_ -Aha! _

Catra held the jacket against her body and turned towards her mirror sitting in the west corner of her room, smoothing the leather against her chest. She slipped it on and turned around halfway to check the fitting. Satisfied with the result she scrambled down the stairs and out the door, giving Entrapta and Scorpia a rushed goodbye she bounced out the door and towards the driveway, where one of the-very few- pride and joys of her was parked.

Her motorcycle, Melog, stood there in all its glory—to Catra at least. Melog’s red and black paint job immediately pulled Catra towards it when she went shopping for her own vehicle;feeling to cool for a car, Catra had bought the bike as soon as she saved up enough to pay for (plus a discount after maybe threatening the scrawny girl who vaguely reminded her of Kyle, they were both pathetic and blonde.)

She stuck out her gloved hand, testing the air for the amount of rainfall before deciding,  _ fuck it, _ and peeled out of the driveway.

One of her ( _ secret god forbid anyone learns about this _ ) bucket list was riding her motorcycle in the rain. Technically she had crossed that off her list ten years ago, at the age of fourteen, but the feeling of the rain on her skin, the way the harsh cold wind hits her face as she speeds up more and more, the absolutely intoxicating feeling of freedom that overwhelmed her body and left her soul wanting more—yeah, no way she could only do it once.

It had been  _ way _ too long. She can’t remember the last time she felt this, this—

_ Free. _

_ Whoosh!  _ A narrow turn past a tree that would had sent her flying had she gotten the timing wrong. A wild giggle that escaped Catra’s throat, soon turned into a loud laugh of pure joy. Scorpia would have her head if she found Catra had gotten herself arrested with all the road rules she was breaking; not that Catra cared, Scorpia was  _ way _ too nice for that and she was too stubborn to listen.

After what felt like 30 minutes later (her sense of time became warped whenever she was free riding) Catra rode back home. She was not interested in dealing with Scorpia when she was in ‘Worried Friend Mode’; she didn’t  _ hate it,  _ per say, it was just too...overwhelming at times. But she knew Scorpia’s heart was in a good place. 

Catra would usually leave her bike out front, by the door of the garage, but she didn’t want the rain to damage her hard earned bike. Entrapta would go...more nuts than usual if she found out Catra got the bike damaged in any way, shape or form. Would she hound over Catra like Scorpia though? No. She’d be too busy with one or her ‘experiments’ to even notice Catra walk through the door all wet and gross.

Which was exactly what happened. 

Catra walked through the door all gross and wet with a grin so large you would have thought she murdered someone and laughed while doing it. She walked a little further into the house to find Entrapta's devices and parts all spread out over their dining table, while Entrapta herself was tinkering with a small box that had...legs? Okay, nope. She would most likely find that one in her bed at 3AM in the morning (because  _ all _ of Entrapta's robots found a way to come alive and scare her shitless).

Catra slowly strolled her way into the kitchen to grab whatever leftovers looked appetizing enough for her stomach tonight. Scorpia turned around and gave her a smile.

"Hey Wildcat," Scorpia looked down to noticed her shoes still on, "Oh. I didn't even notice that you left the house. Did you go on one of your joyrides again?"

Catra opened the fridge and scanned the contents inside. "Yup _ ,"  _ She said, popping the p. "I haven't taken one in forever, plus it was raining outside." Scorpia immediately turned around, making her way towards Catra as she started checking for any signs of sickness and Catra was hit with a sudden wave of nostalgia.

#####  **_-May 12, 2024-_ **

_ Catra had just moved to Dryl. It was an okay city, more on the technological advanced side of cities, it wasn't grand or sparkling like Bright Moon; but it was a million times better than Frighton. She had been looking for cheap apartments for about 2 months with no success, until she saw the ad about somebody who needed a third second roommate, just to fill up empty space.  _

_ It was almost like the universe had actually taken mercy on Catra for once in the past year, honestly she could care less about who the person was, (that was lie, she cared very, very much. Rooming with crackheads was not on her list again). She was more concerned with how social they were, (no more stupid hippie communes, thank you very much). _

_ About four weeks after officially moving in Catra was having one of "Those Nights", the nights you have where all you wanted to do was curl up in bed, listen to sad and/or angsty tunes, and get drunk with whatever cheap alcohol you could afford the week before. But Catra didn't have cheap alcohol and there was no way in Hell Catra was gonna spend $9.99 on Spotify Premium.  _

_ So Catra was stuck laying in bed, glaring at the sun shining brightly outside and everything else, because how dare everyone else get to be happy with their squeaky-fucking-clean lives while she's stuck inside; hating and regretting her very existence?  _

_ " _ _ Come on Catra, don't be like that, come outside and play with me!'' _ __

_ Ugh. She wasn't in the mood to be hearing the voices inside her head; ghosts of everyone in her life who had hurt her, or she had hurt them. She was starting to get a headache. Where was the aspirin when she needed it? Great, now a bottle of painkillers was leaving her to fend from herself, how pathetic could she get? _

_ " _ _ It's a shame really, though I can't say I'm not surprised. You couldn't keep her satisfied and now look at you: moping and crying over silly medicine." _

_ Catra shot up, nearly hitting her head on her overhead shelf, she brought her hand up to her temples and rubbed them. Aggressively. It wasn't true. It couldn't be-No, Catra would rather jump off a cliff than ever,  _ _ ever _ _ admit that old hag was right. Then all this healing and 'becoming a better person' bullshit was all worthless. _

_ "I don't know if I'm either disappointed or surprised that Adora stayed with you for so long, must have been out of pity." _

_ Catra was surprised too. But all good things never last forever, they never did for her. _

_ "But in the end she left you, left you like the lost cause you are. Now Adora can reach her full potential, without any-distractions." _

_ "Argh!" Catra threw her pillow at the wall, knocking down two of the photos framed there. Tears were now streaming down her face. She needed-she needed something to break, punch, hit-anything! But she had just moved into this apartment she couldn't risk getting herself kicked out so soon, so she settled for punching her pillows. _

_ Just as she was about to slam another poor pillow against her wall ,thunder clapped-"BOOM!"-causing Catra to shriek and fall off her bed. Wonder-fucking-full. Now the weather matched her mood. Catra laid there on the floor, all the anger inside of her draining out onto the floor, or wherever negative emotions go to die. _

_ At some point during her little pity party Catra found herself outside in the rain. It wasn't a full on shower yet, but it definitely wasn't drizzling. There were certain places in the street where if you splashed into them hard enough the water seemed to circle around you as it splashed upwards.  _

_ What was she even doing out here? She only had booty shorts and a white T-shirt on; perfect recipe for a cold later. There was no one out here to judge her for dancing in the rain, there was no one out here to dance with her either. Would Adora have danced with her? The answer was obvious at first, but the more Catra pondered on the answer, the more uncertain she became. Her spins began to slow down, so did everything else round her.  _

_ At what point did she start doubting Adora? Was it before or after they broke up? Why did they break up? Was she not enough? Was there a bigger brighter future out there for Adora after all? _

_ One that didn't include Catra? _

_ Catra fell to her knees, any blood that would have gathered on her skin was washed away into the rain. The tears started to fall again, this time she was spiraling and there was no one here for her hold onto. _

_ Catra wasn't enough for her.  _

_ "Dead weight." _

_ How could anyone love her? _

_ "She was always destined for greater things." _

_ But she tried so hard to change. So. Damn. Hard. And she still left. What does that say? _

_ "You're best isn't enough. You can try as hard as you like to prove everyone around you different." _

_ But- _

_ "You're nothing more than a failed charity case to her." _

_ Nothing more than a fail- _

_ "Catra?! Is that you ou-What are you doing out in the rain? Strong arms pulled her into a literally breathtaking hug. Scorpia, one of her roommates; she gave Catra some annoying nickname that she couldn't shake off. _

_ "Wildcat talk to me, what happened? Why are you out here with nothing warm on you?" Scorpia was now helping her up, still holding Catra tight to her body. _

_ Catra tried to talk, she honestly did, but all that came out was a strangled sob. _

_ "Come on Wildcat, let's go inside to dry you off, then we'll talk." Scorpia's voice was gentle, but firm. Catra gripped tighter, noting in the back of her head to apologize to Scorpia for any potential scratches left behind. _

———

_ Scorpia left a cup of tea on Catra’s desk after getting her a towel to dry herself off. They didn’t end up talking after all, but Scorpia didn’t push. Though she would never say it out loud Catra was grateful for Scorpia’s sicking sweet positivity sometimes; it took her mind off her downward spirals and gave her something to focus on. _

_ Entrapta did too, in her own weird way, most of the time Catra didn’t even think the scientist was aware that she did. Sometimes when Catra was in one of her Moods™ Entrapta would seemingly pick that time to barge into whatever room she was sulking in and start rambling on about her newest project. Catra had to to dedicate a lot of brain power to attempt to block out Entrapta, by the time she would eventually give up she would have been to tired to be angry. _

_ At some point Catra found herself laying in bed, staring up and the ceiling that she should have painted at least a week and a half ago. What was the point of sulking any more? Adora was probably out there living her best shiny life, Weaver sure as Hell wasn’t sitting down regretting her any of her life choices, (except the one that led to her taking in Catra),so what was she doing here, being miserable? _

_ Maybe the pain would never go away, maybe she was a giant fuck-up destined for failure, but she was going to spend every single day proving to the world, to herself, to  _ _ someone _ _ that even the biggest screw-up can make a comeback. _

* * *

And she had been getting better honestly. She had been attending therapy for 2 months now, she was slowly picking herself up again. Not every part was going to be peachy, she had long made peace with that. It was going to be an absolute pain in her ass, maybe even killing her softly on the inside, but it would be worth it. The person she was gradually becoming would be her biggest "fuck you" to the universe and everything it's thrown at her.

She glanced at the rain falling down her window, pressing her cheek up against the condensated glass like she did so many years ago, allowing herself to shudder slightly at the feeling of cold on her skin. So many things were running through her head, almost crossing the very thin line of overwhelming her more than she could emotionally handle at the moment.

But through all the beeping and buzzing caused by the traffic that were her thoughts, she could her the rain gently tapping on the glass, the song from many years ago begging to be let in,  _ to be heard. _

So she closed her eyes and allowed the rain's lullaby to sing her to sleep once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I know nothing about song fics and spent like 30 minutes looking up tips and stuff on how to write them. Maybe this isn’t the typical format for it but you have to cut me some slack because it’s my first try at this.
> 
> Also, also this is one the longest chapters I've written. I'm trying to get into the habit of writing a minimum of 3k words so bear with me, and I've got school so yeah.
> 
> Now if you’ll excuse me I have to write chapter 2-


End file.
